Just talk. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. I would want to know why, if it was me. Life is great and were very blessed. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). No, don't buy it. Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. Divorce may be an end result. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. She should have told you from the beginning that she let it slip and stood up for you to her friends. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Her motivation doesn't change that the fact that you deserve someone that stands up to their friends. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. No pun intended. Im bi and from a close knit, homophobic religious family. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? These fake stories are starting to piss me off. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. Well he's not open about being bi so I'm pretty sure he does care about it. It sounds like shes remorseful. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. Marriage counseling needed. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? I have never discussed my sexual relationship with my husband with them, and theyve never discussed their sex lives with their partners with me (because were all married or long term now, and thats just inappropriate. 3. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. Take a few days away from everything. That was extra stupid. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. I have no idea how you will be able to have sex with her. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. Get used to me being stupid". They are what they are and they are very real. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? Although, bi men have it way worse. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. I hope you can work it out. Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Exactly! we're both 28. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. Im so sorry this happened. So many unnecessary details. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. I am not open about my sexuality. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Best thing to do is give it some time. BS. Or even a long drive. You gotta fuck Tom. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? Viktor Frankl You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. To at least one person. Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. Seriously? Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! You are not overreacting. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. Life is transient. But you have every right to be angry. I agree with this comment as a bi person! Good luck and I do feel for you. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. About everything. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. And what the fuck do you expect?? Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? If you find happiness, people may be jealous. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Her voice was strained and raspy. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. You deserve so much better than this. Be open with her. 1.) Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). Id rather show my support. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. You need to accept yourself for who you are. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. Who actually believes these? People won't forget about it. That would be the end for me. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. I'm just saying people can be stupid. No shit. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. I'm sorry. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Sorry man, I feel like we all over share with our friends sometimes. This. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? She should have known to do that herself beforehand. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. Do you believe what she told you? Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. You dont need to have the talk tomorrow. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. You're not overreacting at all. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Who cares. What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. You have every right to be pissed. Good luck, brother. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. Kidding aside. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Sorry you're going through this. Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. She has betrayed your trust. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. You should seek marriage counseling after this. She needs to apologize to you in a way that doesn't offset the blame to her friends. She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. It's terrible. I don't think this information should have been said. Great comment. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. Agreed! Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Most of it was on alt accounts he made. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. She brought her marriage outside where it shouldn't belong. I think you should try to work this out. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". My only advice is to give it time. Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. I absolutely agree. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. But something you might ask her about. Don't rush the feels phase. No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. Her friends have always been cool to me. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. There is no combination of words that will make all this just go away. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. I never said a word to anyone because I knew how bad she felt about that. Cool off first of all. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. So much this. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Oh my god I fucking lost it at your comment. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. I'm sorry. I was going to say something identical. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. thats some foul behaviour. She continued to ignore my boundary. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. These ones sound terrible. Her to like the same shit you go?? Dude, yeah. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. That's plain shitty. Don't ruin your relationship because of this. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. That is why we married each other. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. It actually did make me feel a little better. Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. It felt terrible. Trust your gut, make the proper judgements, and most importantly bounce the fuck back. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. For years. There were 3 friends with her. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. We have 2 amazing kids. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). The mmmhmmm's give that away. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. It's human nature. I dont get real emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the first time in a long time. She outed you. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. Do you love her more than anything? I think you handled that really well. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. I understand you were angry and not thinking straight, but that is besides the point. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Mahatma Gandhi Best of luck man. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Thats so tough. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. It's healthy and necessary. Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. I thanked him. Ban the girls from the house. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. Mom and boy 22:56. So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. We never fight. What she did is not a simple mistake. So what you should do? She just let it slip. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Also you say you feel emasculated. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. She violated a boundary. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. They seem like they knew exactly what she was talking about, like it was a familiar topic. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. I dont know what to do. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. But at least this one has some panache. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. I've been married for 21+ years. Also she devolved some abusivo behaviour which, according to her was due to the lack of sex. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Your wife have no sense of conjugality. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. Best to you. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said.
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